Skip to main content

On Voice Recognition

I: (touch the Bluetooth headset button)
Phone: (beeps ascending scale, then in a female voice) Please, say a command.
I: Call Darya.
Phone: Command not recognized. Please, say a command.
I: Call Dar.
Phone: Did you say (pause, then in a male distorted voice) Darrin?
I: No!
Phone: (in a female voice) Did you say (in a male distorted voice) Dennis?
I: NO! DARYA! I SAID DARYA!!!
Phone: (in a female voice) Are you sure? Because I'am pretty sure you said David... Which is strange, since there is nobody by that name in your Contacts. Neither there is Darrin, nor Dennis. My battery is low. And I am tired. And you are nuts. Please, say a command.
I: Fuck you.
Phone: Command not recognized. Go fuck yourself. Please, say a command.
Phone: Command timed out. (beeps descending scale)
I: (sigh) ...
Labels:

Popular posts from this blog

WordPress: How to add custom fonts to a twenty seventeen child theme.

Quick help to those who have tried to find some help and failed (as I have so I have to write the code myself). Assuming that you have your virgin child theme configured and activated: here is a function which goes into the functions.php file (of your configured and activated child theme): function childtheme_twentyseventeen_fonts_url() { $replace_original_font = true; // unless you really like Libre Franklin if ($replace_original_font !== true) { $hyph = '-custom-'; } else { $hyph = '-'; }; $font_families = array( //add your Google fonts and weights (400 and 700 are defaults for normal and bold) here: 'Oswald:200,400,700', 'Lato:200,400,700', ); $query_args = array( 'family' => urlencode( implode( '|', $font_families ) ), 'subset' => urlencode( 'latin,latin-ext' ), ); $fonts_url = add_query_arg( $query_args, 'https://fonts.googleapis.com/css' ); wp_enqueue_style( 'twentyseventeen' ....
Read more

How to Make a Website Everyone Has

Read more

Sometimes You Just Know

Sometimes you just know what's going to happen, like, when flying Delta to Moscow (happened some years ago, flight was cancelled due to horrible weather, then they decided to send us there through Amsterdam, then changed it to Paris), at that vividly remembered moment, when we just checked in our suitcases to the Amsterdam flight and someone comes and says "no, they are going through Paris" and we are sadly looking at our luggage being slowly dragged by the conveyor belt to that Amsterdam flight we are not going to board anymore, and we say "what about our luggage" and they say "don't worry, it is going to be taken care of" and you just know it is not true. And it wasn't, and we landed in Moscow in a middle of a snow storm, and most of our warm clothes were traveling to Amsterdam and back and it took them three days to finally reach Moscow. Sometimes you just know, and now I am having another déjà vu moment, different curcumstances, same feelin...
Read more